


Never Marry Tom Riddle

by Call_Me_CakeWife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Wrock community
Genre: F/M, Filk, Humor, Humour, Multi, Other, Song - Freeform, TRaF - Freeform, poem, wrock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 17:43:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3618615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Call_Me_CakeWife/pseuds/Call_Me_CakeWife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is sort of a tribute/response to the collected works of TRaF (Tom Riddle and Friends), a Wrock band.  It probably won't make sense if you don't know their stuff.  They're great, though.  Geektastic and hilarious. (Seriously, they have a lullaby to a unicorn they plan to kill.  It's delightful.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Marry Tom Riddle

Never Marry Tom Riddle. (as sung by Moaning Myrtle)

Chorus: Never Marry Tom Riddle.  
Don't let the Dark Lord pitch woo.  
Voldemort  
Is the roving sort.  
Deep down, you know that it's true.

He swears "Oh  
You know  
I'm loyal to you."  
But there's not a Witch in Hogwarts  
That he didn't do.

He's got Butterfly kisses  
For Minerva.  
Got a tip for Bellatrix  
LeStrange.  
He made a dozen snake babies  
With Nymphadora  
And don't get me started on  
Hermione Grange-(er.)

Tried to pick up the tramp who threw a  
book at me.  
That rooster-killing, dead sea gull,  
Ginny Weasley!  
Don't know what to do  
with Pettigrew,  
But the way he stares at him just  
makes me queasy!

Chorus: Never marry Tom Riddle.  
He'll sectumsempra your heart in two.  
This transparency's  
Been paling me,  
But it's Voldy that's got this ghost blue.

He swears "Oh  
You know  
You're my only one."  
But he casts his spell on ev'ry fleshy  
Under the sun.

He's got a Patil twin  
on each hip (dance! Dip!)  
And he's sniffing around  
Lavender Brown (B-b-b-brown.)  
He begs "Come out of the toilet!"  
While he gets French with Fleur. Oh, I wish I drown!

And you know that it just  
kills me to confide  
That he even has a squib girl  
on the side!  
I've already forgiven him  
For making me die,  
But why, oh why  
Does he have to make me cry-y!

Chorus: Never Marry Tom Riddle.  
Heed me, and don't tie the knot.  
The rope, you'll find  
Is the noosy kind.  
You can take this warning or not.

Chorus: But if you Marry Tom Riddle,  
And you ignore my every word,  
Then you've made your bed,  
Be you living or dead,  
With a debaucherously Dark Lord!


End file.
